Tossing batting practice…which seems sort of oxymoronic tonight because that will be the only reference to baseball in this entire tome...

Emotional leader my a** I never liked that stiff Garnett, he’s wicked overrated anyway, just look at the stats they’ll tell you how successful they C’s are without him, stats never, ever lie.

Well the C’s certainly haven’t missed a beat (which is more than I can say for my own heart when I saw him come up limping) since KG went down, the schedule is a little friendly and having five games in hand is a good thing at this time of year)

The big news is the loss of Tony Allen…no really, really I’m not kidding, alright, if you’re a faithful reader you’re likely aware of my distaste for him.
What’s more surprising, the fact Tony Allen has 66 turnovers, or he actually has 52 assists this season? I’m not sure how we’ll replace that production. In the D’Antoni seven seconds or less system, how many Turnovers could he have? I think he’d rival the Maris-esque record of 366 in a season set by Artis Gilmore in 1977-78. Of course that’s assuming he’d ever stay healthy, he’s no Iron Horse (unless you count the iron he’s usually packing in Chicago restaurants).

In researching that stat, I discovered that Karl Malone is the all-time leader in career turnovers, somewhere the lone Jazz fan nods in understanding. I guess now the image of MJ stripping him in the finals, is a fitting description of his career.
But seriously, what’s more impressive, that he is the second leading scorer all time, or that John Stockton is the all time assists leader?
Is it safe to assume, after discovering these three factors, that Malone might have been the NBA’s all time leader in percentage of possessions In which he touched the ball?

While it will always be the Delta Center to me, the home of the Utah Jazz is apparently the Energy Solutions Center, at least according the brightly lit sign outside the arena that TNT showed.
This seems to be a curious use of resources, and a rather ironic moniker, for the “energy solutions” company.

The only thing I'll say about the Jazz game is that Dick Bavetta still sucks. Oh one more thing, usually when a game is that one sided, I'd yell something wise to a ref, like...
"hey which kid is yours out there?"
Well in the case of Thursday, I'd be afraid that Bavetta would point to Jerry Sloan.

Steve Nash could have a lucrative second career as a Mexican Bullfighter. His matador defense isn’t even funny anymore, it’s truly a sham that he’s a two-time MVP, and thus almost has to get into the Hall of Fame, if all offense, no defense point guards can get into the Hall, then Designated Hitters should too.
I think it would be funny if some NBA DJ played "ole, ole ole ole....ole, ole" (it's in your head now isn't it, well hopefully it replaces the Giant glass commercial from last week) every time a point guard scores on him.

Seeing the evolution of Herb Sendek at Arizona State makes me nervous as a hopeful future college head coach. That man has not aged well one bit. If you showed two side by side shots of him at NC State and him now, they wouldn’t even look like the same person.

While it appears unlikely, if Bob Knight gets the head coaching job at Georgia, I will do everything in my power to obtain season tickets behind the bench, I feel like that’s an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
However he would be missed as an analyst, he’s so awkward yet informative, probably what John Madden was 30 years ago.
I watched more of a women’s game than I ever would normally, simply because I was waiting for him to call them Broads.

Talk radio in Georgia can be hilarious at times, the sense of entitlement fans of UGA have is downright ridiculous. In listening to a show briefly in Athens the other day, the co-hosts had narrowed down the Bulldogs choices to Mark Few, Sean Miller, Tubby Smith, and John Calipari.
Apparently John Wooden has already rebuffed overtures. Their entire basis of argument was that all three are at mid-majors that would yearn for the spotlight. Well all three are at established programs that make regular NCAA tournament appearances and are often spotlighted in the second weekend of the tournament. Oh and hoops is a distant third here behind football and baseball. Yeah this is a coveted job.
The best part was the hosts claiming that there was no reason they couldn’t be perennial SEC East contenders within two years, despite Florida, Tennesee and a small little hoops school in Kentucky all above them. (not to mention Vanderbilt).
Perhaps Pete Sheppard’s retarded in-bred cousin is a flash-guy down here, I’ll listen closer for a name next time.

A somber nod tonight to Milt Palacios, who after seeing Devin Harris' incredible gamewinner from halfcourt tonight, now owns the second mist amazing gamewinner in the history of the Izod/Continentel Airlines/Brendan Byrne Arena.

Tossing batting practice...while wondering if Ty Law and A-Roid are distantly related and have the same idiot cousin...

I want to be upset about ARod using steroids, but then I remember that he's never beaten the Red Sox so thus I'm less annoyed. All those guys will get their comeuppance when (or in some cases IF) they hit their 40s anyway.
With that said, there are a couple things about the A-Roid stammer-fest.

When you commit a stupid mistake that lasts three years, you're either; an idiot, disingenuously lying, or trying to keep the marriage together for the children.
A-Rod is either a) or b) in this case

Didn't the Yanks spring training home use to be Legends field, now it's George Steinbrenner Field? I'm sure The Boss is a legend in his own mind, but first he tears down Yankee Stadium, then he renames the spring training field, I thought old people were supposed to be nostalgic.

Former Bruin/Whaler/Hurricane defenseman Glen Wesley had his number retired in Carolina the other night against the Bruins.
I hope the entire time that banner went to the rafters he saw that wide open net he missed against Edmonton in the marathon ot Stanley Cup final we lost.
No I swear I'm not bitter

PS: F**K You Petr Klima, and for the record if your parents weren’t illiterate communists you’d know there are two E’s in Peter.

If Bud Selig were commissioner of NASCAR the entire field would have been brought back to finish the race the race on Thursday.
And you know what, all joking aside, that’s what I would have rather seen done. The Daytona 379 just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

They couldn’t drive in the rain? Really? That automatically disqualifies you as being considered the best drivers in the world.
I would watch intently if there was an event at Loudon in February without snowplows, in fact I’d buy a ticket and tailgate to that.
The ability to drive successfully in foul weather should be one of the measures of driving skill on the Sprint Cup series.

I spent much of the UConn/Pitt game trying to come up with an all-time starting five of white guys from UConn; so far I’ve got Jake Voskuhl, Travis Knight, and Israeli national team point guard Doron Scheffer. (and no despite the fact Rip Hamilton acts like a weenie, wears a face mask and has a killer mid-range jumper he does not in fact count)

Does anyone know of any Pitt fans? Or for that matter a Pitt grad? I’ve come across fans of nearly every major college program, but rarely do you see Panther paraphernalia when out at a bar (and by rarely I mean never).

I applaud Sean McDonough for calling out the officials in the UConn/Pitt game, and more importantly calling out the officiating in the Big East as a whole this season. He’s seen more Big East games than I have, but the second half of that game was just brutally officiated. One minute it looked like a game at Rucker Park with no blodd no foul, then the next their calling touch fouls.
If I couldn’t have already accounted for his whereabouts I would have thought Ed Hightower was joined by two Jason Harringtons.

Speaking of officials, I think Hightower, and Ted Valentine may each get more TV face time than any five major college coaches combined.
I cannot name a third major college basketball official, but those two are at more games than Dick Vitale.
And after I wrote this, there he was on TV Tuesday night at Purdue, from Hartford, Conn. To West Lafayette, Indiana; that man needs a better travel agent.

Tossing Batting Practice….while wondering just how awkward the monthly sales chart of the Vermont Teddy bear Company must look like the other 11 months a year…

Listening to various sports radio stations around the country in the last week (thanks blackberry) I have noticed one trend, the amount of Valentines day related spots are just overwhelming. But it’s hilarious to hear a middle aged white guy like Dale Arnold try to sell me on buying sexy underwear, a Vermont Teddy Bear, or some sort of internet flower order.
However, now that we’re well into week two of these ads, I’m longing for a perpetual loop of 1-800-54-Giant ads. (Is it stuck in your head yet?)
“We’re there when you need us, Call giant Glass….wherever you are call number..” ok I’ll stop,

I'd like to thank Gov. Deval for reaffirming the claim of Taxachusetts with the proposed gas tax. After paying a whopping 7% in sales tax on everything including food and clothing I was getting a little worried the name wasn't warranted anymore, but hey good luck with that massive 27 cents a gallon tax folks.

Danny Ainge said earlier this week that everyone wants a 7 footer who can shoot and defend, well I'll settle for 6-10 who can rebound and make layups.
Make the damn move Danny, any damn move.

Nate Robinson just completed the same dunk the average 5-7 junior high student with a little athleticism completes. The step on the fat kid for a boost dunk, in this case the fat kid was a skinny NBA player either way I’m not particularly impressed.

With Lucky the Leprechaun now deposed as the timeout entertainment at the Garden, perhaps Nate Robinson has a career ahead of him, once the fact he's a bad defender, undersized, and an asshole for a teammate catches up to him and he's out of work.
It always seemed a little implausible that a white dwarf could complete all those flying trampoline aided dunks anyways.

Memo to Nate, when you’re 5-nothin and all dressed in green, you don’t look like Kryptonite, you look like a black Leprechaun. I would have rather seen him don the glasses, and walking stick and try to dunk a ball spinning on his finger.

When you’re Lebron James apparently you can wear a bright yellow Mr. Rogers sweater and sunglasses indoors.
I don’t understand how that can be fashionable, and yet if I wore it, I’d continue to be a dorky white guy.

Friday night was the always retarded NBA celebrity game, which has absolutely none of the fun of the old NBA rock and jock, and lacks the 100 point basket. But I caught myself watching some of it (it’s lonely here in Deliverance, seriously, just check the date and timestamp of this post).
Terrell Owens won the MVP for the second straight year, while playing like the guy at the park everyone hates. He put up a Kobe-esque line of 40 something points and no assists, which also included zero pass attempts.
Stuart Scott then gave the obligatory All-star interview with Amare Stoudamire. When asked who out there he would most like as a teammate, his answer was TO.
Note to potential suitors for Amare, now that he’s on the block, anyone who identifies with the worst possible teammate in the history of American team sports, probably isn’t someone you want to give up a truckload for.
Neither is someone who’s 6-11 and treats rebounding like an allergy and shows as much interest in defense, as TO does in downfield blocking in the running game.

The Finals MVP award is now being named for Bill Russell, it’s the right thing to do for the greatest winner in sports history, but how did it take so long?

The one thing I learned from the Rookie game last night. If Kevin Durant were still in college he’d be challenging Pistol Pete’s record for points per game average, and would probably get at least 40 per. The fighting Sam Presti’s have a future down there, if only they were on TV once in a while.

Both Michael Cooper and Bill Laimbeer coach in the WNBA…see kids what goes around does in fact come around. I am content with that poetic justice.

Some hatred you never get over…I was legitimately pissed that Laimbeer and his duo won that stupid shooting game.
As Larry told him before his first all-star game, as he tried to shake Legend’s hand…. “Fuck you Bill.”

Seriously the best way to make the skills competition more fun would be if a referee was there to call carrying whenever they dribbled. Or have their college coach screaming at them the entire time to go faster. I could have beat Tony Parker, who looked about as interested to be in the contest as he was at a Desperate Housewives bridal shower.

Pitchers and catchers started working out today, hopefully they’ve got that take the flip, touch the bag, don’t get hurt in a collision down pat, and Tito and Millsie can move on to the old fake to first check the runner at third play tomorrow.
I just don’t understand why spring training has to last almost two months. But I guess it gives all of you folks up north hope that snow, and cold are almost gone.
I’m here to remind you it’s not…now excuse me I’ve got to reserve a tee time for tomorrow.
Sundays are a great golf day down here cause everyone is in church all day smiting and repenting things.

Tossing batting practice...because nobody down here has any idea the relative importance of owning a Beanpot in February

I completely and wholeheartedly miss the Beanpot. I can’t really explain it, especially since I didn’t attend any of the four schools, but I was always a fan growing up, and then in college I had some great memories.
Freshman year I was in the NU student section for the title game, and it was like being a Sox fan. Only instead of “1918”, Terrier fans taunted us with chants of “Safety School” while we were more simple and direct; BU SUCKS!!!! (which it does).
Every time the puck entered the Husky zone, people stopped breathing and an eerie silence came over that section of the arena. Finally the hated Terriers, tied the game, and went ahead with a minute left and the dream died, while the drought lived for NU.

Sophomore year, the result of a 5pm opening round game, was a 2pm pregame show live from Emerson College, and the old Charley Flynn’s.
The Beanpot: where Monday afternoon underage drinking happens.
Two years ago, I was lucky enough to cover a Beanpot, that ended with my arch nemesis BU taking yet another title in overtime in what was a thrilling game with an unsatisfying outcome, Larry Fitzgerald Sr. and journalistic objectivity be damned.
I root for NU, because they never win. I try to root for Harvard, but quite frankly they just aren’t likable with the exception of Ted Donato coaching.
I like BC because Jerry York is a likable figure who was very accommodating to me when I went to write about some of his kids.
Jack Parker is the polar opposite of York, he was an a***** and thanks to an unfortunate November night in college I already detested BU, so I felt better that Parker was a jerk.

Overall, it sucks that I can’t watch it anywhere this week, especially knowing that Northeastern may actually have a shot to win the whole thing; I’d probably even attempt to go if I were back home, at least for the opening round.
The dejection of the Husky faithful was one that the other three schools in the tournament don’t understand. NU isn’t a hockey school, though that’s the sport its best known for. If you were born the last time they won a Beanpot, you could legally drink to celebrate a victory, or wallow in despair tonight. Either way, knowing that NU students rarely need an excuse to party I’m sure there will be libations a plenty. Let’s just hope the riot police aren’t required on Hemenway street tonight.


So wait, NU is no. 3 in the country in anything besides number of student arrests in one small concentrated neighborhood in which you wouldn’t normally expect to find anyone with a suburban upbringing making it their home?
(I’m allowed to make confusing long winded smarmy remarks like that because I lived on Mission Hill for three years. As far as I’m concerned that gives me street cred or at least the ability to disparage my ‘hood. But you Orchard Park, and Bromley Heath folks better recognize.)
But apparently yes, they are the third ranked hockey team in the country, excuse while I attempt to confirm whether or not I am living in a distorted universe in which me, Doc, and my nonexistent dog may have skewed off the space time continuum to an alternate 2009 that appears to be reality to everyone else.
Dunneski, you may be the only one who can confirm or deny this for me.


Mad props to Lebron for the fake triple double the other night, but honestly why do people compare MSG to the Boston Garden and the Forum? What exactly has made it the world’s most famous arena? Their greatest moment is a crippled guy limping on the floor burying two jumpers and calling it a day, and that happened 35 years ago. I’d argue even the old Chicago Stadium has more NBA history than MSG, at least for the home team.

Why do marginal professional athletes who hail from New England always save their best for us? Did Rocco Baldelli give Matt Bonner a pep talk before yesterday’s game?
.
So apparently there was a parade at Fenway last week when the spring training truck leaves? Really are you guys that desperate for spring to start? Why is this a big deal? And if they hired the same moving company I did to move here, well they can expect it to cost an extra $1.5 million (probably why they let Alex Cora go) and it will arrive sometime before St. Patrick’s day.

Earlier this week Maryland’s AD came out in support of Gary Williams the other day, and her quote scrolled across the ESPN bottom line. The woman’s last name is Yow
So the scroll read like this “Yow: ‘I really want to lay to rest any of these crazy rumors floating around…’”
Honest to god, I thought Kay Yow had spoken to us from beyond the grave, or she was claiming she didn’t die. There was a brief 10 seconds of confusion on my part; this is what happens when you only catch part of a scroll while watching a game.

So it took ESPN more than a decade to turn the NFL draft, and to a lesser degree all the other major drafts, into a giant spectacle. Now it appears as though they’ve turned their attention to signing day for high schoolers.
What’s next, national choose an AAU team? Or does ESPN just start trolling delivery rooms to announce the births of the next great athlete?

Tossing batting practice…while seriously wondering just how many I could score on the Knicks "defense"…

Well, that loss sucked last night. I hate the Lakers, but hopefully the good news is that Danny Ainge will realize he’s got to go out and get another big man; preferably at the expense of Big Baby Davis

I will admit to being far removed from the C’s on a daily basis now and only see a handful of games, but he’s just not doing it for me. He’s like a fatter Tony Allen, anytime they do anything good, you jump out of your chair in a mix of excitement and shock.
Not what you want out of your backup power forward.

The fears we all had about Doc last year were realized last night, not his best night on the sidelines with the rotation and such. I also wish Ray and Rondo had talked him out of the plays he drew up at the end of regulation and overtime.

I will say that the C’s didn’t lose because of the officials, but all three of them should be donating a game check to the Red Auerbach foundation for that effort last night. I know he’s never been known for his defense, but how does Pau Gasol only commit one foul in 46 minutes? He grabbed 14 rebounds too, so it’s not like he wasn’t doing anything at the defensive end.
The Celtics front line committed 18 fouls on the game, the Lakers 11, and the Lakers starters combined for six fouls, four of them coming from Odom.
Specific calls are always tough to point to and blame (except for one, see below) but the numbers as a whole at the end don’t lie, even free throw disparity can sometimes, but only Derek Fisher getting more touchy feely than Eddy Curry with his male personal assistant make the total foul numbers even.

(Thanks Jon, I was looking for the right comparison, that’s why you get the big bucks)

I felt even better this morning about the curious officiating when even Bob Ryan came out and asked, what the hell those three guys were doing on the floor for that game.
While I hate the way the NFL sometimes comes out and says, “oops, we screwed up” a few days later with seemingly no repercussions, at least they acknowledge human error. I wish all sports would allow officials to speak, or at least come out and say something to the effect of what the NFL does.
All four of the leagues have their own channels now, you could easily fill a half hour of television dissecting questionable calls.
Then there’d even be a forum to compliment correct calls.

Whoever called KG’s final foul, I’d like to have his finances investigated to determine if he likes to visit casinos, horse tracks, or legitimate Italian Businessman’s social clubs in his spare time. Because Gasol whacked KG twice to knock the ball loose, ok so that call was missed, but to call that ticky tack loose ball foul, well that raises a few eyebrows in a post Tim Donaghy world.

Should I be happy that Andrew Bynum is out 8-12 weeks, or disappointed he isn’t out 8-12 months?

Kurt Rambis without glasses just doesn’t look right, he should be the anti-spokesman for laser eye surgery.

I am disappointed with the crowd tonight too, they were not in playoff form. Loud at times but not nearly enough.
I guess when Chris Evans (???????) and one of the guys from New Edition are your celebrities TNT shows midgame, well that just tells you how unimportant this game really is in the long run.

Cleveland worries me….a lot. Especially now that it has been determined that Lebron can do no wrong; I’d like to think homecourt advantage isn’t that important and that the Celtics can find a way, but the evidence I garnered from my 11th grade science project tells me different.
The NBA had the highest percentage of homecourt wins of the four major sports. I’m not worried about having to go to LA, because we all know real LA fan(s?) will get shut out and thus the noise level won’t be as startling.

Mad props to Lebron for the triple double the other night, but honestly why do people compare MSG to the Boston Garden and the Forum? What exactly has made it the world’s most famous arena? Their greatest moment is a crippled guy limping on the floor burying two jumpers and calling it a day, and that happened 35 years ago. I’d argue even the old Chicago Stadium has more NBA history than MSG, at least for the home team.

Back this weekend with other weekly observations and hopefully positive analysis on a win over the Spurs.

Tossing Batting Practice…while celebrating the fact Silvio Dante is out of a coma and apparently moonlighting as a rock star…

Not sure that’s the best career choice for the former underboss of New Jersey, but hey with Phil Leotardo out of the picture, the feud with New York should be over.

For the record I made it four plays before switching back to the Sopranos marathon on A&E that curbed my attempt to learn College Accounting. The rest of the first half was spent watching an engrossing CBS news special on Barack. (who has crossed over into “Ben” territory as far as first name only referencing)

The ghost of Bill Cowher is alive and well kicking a field goal in the first quarter on the one yard line and it cost me my damned cover. I hope the Major Crimes unit from the Wire turns its attention towards Mike Tomlin, and his point shaving ways.
Since he didn’t have to wear the big puffy jacket, I swear I won’t make an Avon Barksdale comparison ok Leon? (oops, guess I did, my bad).

Think Ken Whisenhunt regrets that decision to defer? Excellent call top gun to give Ben the ball and get him involved right away. On second thought, investigate his ass too.
Quick aside, I’m glad he will be out of my life for 10 months, because every time I heard his name I couldn’t help but think of the Whizzanator, and then I’d be forced to chuckle, even if it was inappropriate.

And since any episode of the Wire has to have multiple story lines, let’s make sure Terry Macauly and his officiating crew are under surveillance too.
Had it not been for that amazing fourth quarter this game would have been marred by flags. I mean Christ, someone from Macauley’s crew flagged Springsteen at halftime.
The Steelers finally got flagged four times in the final three minutes, but for the other 57, it was at one point Arizona 11/106 to Pitt. 4/35.
Only three times in Super Bowl history has a team been penalized for more than 100 yards. Let them play, or at least call it even, holding and illegal contact can be called anytime. So for the disparity to be so great was a travesty.
Santonio Holmes should have been flagged after his TD, and their should have been a review of the final play.
All in all, I wonder if there’s a Donaghy on that crew.

If football players are the best athletes in the world, why are they often so winded bordering on collapse when they run 90 yards. Even drunk I think I could run that far w/o collapsing to the ground after looking for oxygen and a defibrillator...score one for basketball players who are in fact the best athletes in the world.

If Bruce had a sense of humor he'd have played Jungleland last; it would have given James Harrison more time to rest at least.

Seriously nobody does a better live show than Bruce. I’ve been to four of his shows, and they’re all easily the best I’ve ever been too. (Please leave your Jimmy Buffet jokes below)

Why do people keep saying pressure and empty backfields are what Kurt Warner wants. I use Super Bowl XXXVI as evidence he does not thrive in that environment. The prosecution would like to call Ty Law to the stand.
Moments after I typed that thought down for later use, after yet another incompletion, Warner found James Harrison wide open over the middle for six the other way.

Say what you want about the man, and I’m sure Giants fans will; but he sure as hell plays entertaining Super Bowls.

Nice to see the Edge still dulled in big games, you can take the Colt out of Indy, but you can’t…well you know the rest.

The Cardinals got what they deserved by blitzing Roethlisberger on the final drive. I wouldn’t even rush him, just drop 11 guys into coverage and wait for him to make a mistake, which he is prone to when given time. He’s like the anti-Warner.

I do look forward to the year 2019 when Roethlisberger is finishing up his career in Chicago, leading his team to an 8-3 record, before collapsing late in the season and getting exposed for being a free wheeling selfish gunslinger. All while John Madden, (respirator, and drum stick in hand)and Joe Buck, and Jim Nantz proclaim he “loves the game” while fawning over him.

Overall it was a great fourth quarter in an otherwise boring game. I hesitate to say it was the greatest Super Bowl ever, I think the Pats/Panthers was actually a better fourth quarter but it was certainly a game that won’t be forgotten soon, and if Santonio Holmes can remove David Lousy Helmet Catch Bastard, from weekly highlights, and mention then it will be well worth it to deal with Steeler fans for the year.
At least I don’t live in Pittsburgh.
.

Tossing batting practice…while finally over the bye ready to take on the crush of media scrutiny that is Pro bowl week…

It was somewhat evident back in November, but two months after the AI trade, the Pistons simply cannot cover Rajon Rondo anymore. Cleveland worries me greatly though. It does appear that Lebron isn’t quite getting every single call as of late.

So apparently Happy Gilmore was on Bravo the other night; however inside the Actors Studio with Carl Weathers did not follow the second funniest golf movie ever made. Apollo Creed, Chubs, and “the black guy from Predator” those three characters should be worthy of an hour of James Lipton’s time.

We can elect a black president, but I never thought I’d see the day a black chairman of the RNC was elected. I think the values and beliefs of many in my little corner of Jesusland have been turned upside down.

Our long national nightmare is over…the Mets have found a way to fill that gaping outfield hole, by signing World Series hero Bobby Kielty to a minor league deal.
This is the info you find on the MLB network while watching awkward announced highlights of the 1948 World Series.

Mercifully the Jason Varitek contract saga is over, however the “Fran-coma’s gotta pinch hit for Varitek with the bases loaded in the fourth inning of the back end of a doubleheader” saga should be starting up any day now. I look forward to the EEI yahoos now trying to sell the concept of Kevin Youkilis, late inning emergency catcher.

We all know Tito is loyal to his veterans who he’s gone to battle with, and I have no problem with that. We’ve seen it with the rotting corpse of Kevin Millar, and the human strikeout machine that was Mark Bellhorn. Eventually Tito pulled the plug on those guys late in their “difficult” seasons.
So Price is right style (meaning closest without going over) what’s the exact date we see Tito wave the white flag on Tek?
My early vote is July 20th but like the Tuna says, I reserve the right to change my mind once the season starts.

As many of you know my boss’ son was the Dodgers top draft pick last year, and earlier this week he was invited to big league training camp. Now more than ever I am praying for Manny to resign with them, just for the inside stories alone.
Hopefully he won’t end up with a full chapter in Joe Torre’s Dodger years sequel.

I can sort of understand and get used to "ya'll" being a prevalent term, but turning it into a plural ya'lls will never ever sound right under any circumstances. It's already a freakin plural for Christ sakes.


If you simply saw the score scroll down sometime Friday you’d have no doubt seen my
New college hoops obsession St. Mary’s drop a heartbreaker to Gonzaga. While it was on the road, keep in mind that the Gaels were up six when superstar African-Australian Patrick Mills went down with a sprained wrist. To that point Mills had 18 points in about 12 minutes of action, only to not return. He’ll likely be fine come tournament time, so be weary of the 10th seeded Gaels shocking some two-seed from the big east in the round of 32.

Now that enough time has passed and I can ignore the abomination of a 2005 season he had do you think its possible for Boston to begin construction on the Mark Bellhorn bronze statue, they could even put it in the spot previously earmarked for Dave Henderson that had to be scrapped thanks to the rest of his teammates.

***
Now for my long awaited Super Bowl pick…With the Over/Under set at three and a half, I will take the over….for number of e-trade baby commercials.

So I made a living in this postseason (not literally of course because gambling is illegal NCAA folks who may be monitoring this, and I have no tangible money to bet)
On taking the underdog, which led me to a 5-1 record the last two weekends. So while I despise the Steelers, and would love to see the Cards win, I have to go with Pittsburgh here, mainly because the Cards have become this trendy pick. This is what happens when you have two weeks to talk about a football game and you can talk yourself into any angle or possibility.

The surest bet of the night is Springsteen going over the allotted 12 minutes at halftime. And if you really like prop bets I think its +25,000 he gets hauled off the stage at the 17 minute mark with one of those 1920s vaudeville canes as he preaches to the world about stopping hunger, war, or republican domination.

Tossing batting practice...while wondering if Vegas allows prop bets as to whether Sam Casell is dressed in uniform on a given night...

When I’m in charge of basic human common sense, I will decree there to be a cap on what you order at a drive thru, Like the 12 items or less line. I sat in a drive thru today after a single person ordered $24 worth of food from McDonalds. I mean really, unless its 2am and you’ve got the munchies, go inside
This will go along with my Death Penalty for double parking platform I intend to run for Mayor of Boston on someday.

You heard it here first This year’s Davidson potential, in the NCAA tournament. St. Mary’s. They may not even win their conference tournament because of Gonzaga, which makes them even more underrated. They’re the highest rated mid-major on the board statistically (in the stats I believe in) and I’ve now watched them annihilate San Diego on its home floor, and blasted Fresno St.
Update: or you possibly heard this spiel from Seth Davis who’s apparently touting the Gaels (I didn’t even have to look that up, that’s how good or pathetic I am)

So in reading the ESPN headlines the other day I see that “Billionaire” Tom Rickets, is about to buy the Cubs.
Is there a better word that could appear in front of your name on a headline, or on a scroll?
I know that the words, beleaguered, embattled and much maligned are the polar opposite of the spectrum and are three phrases I never want to see in front of my name in any circumstance.

At the only bar in town here in Gainesville there is in fact a framed Byron Dafoe Atlanta Thrashers jersey.
If I could find my Blaine Lacher autographed picture I got at the very brief height of his popularity I'd donate it.
When all you have for internet is a blackberry, I have to say coming across names like Lacher and Dafoe provide brief moments of entertainment courtesy of Wikipedia. Which was how I found out that Byron Dafoe played 35 games over two seasons with the Thrashers allowing 3.31 goals a game before retiring after the lockout.

As an aside there are no actual bars here in town, because a county ordinance states that a business must make more than 50% of its business from food in order to serve alcohol. I can’t believe the Puritans missed that one back home.

Reason # 4126 why Tom Brady is the quintesential American dream: the fact he traded up to a girlfriend who is worth more money than he is. He literally does everything right by the book.

So I visited the mall of Georgia the other day, which is allegedly the largest shopping center in the Southeast. It’s basically the South Shore Plaza if the town of Braintree annexed Holbrook and gave the land away to build acres upon acres of stores.
The only caveat was it was the empties mall I’ve ever seen. Perhaps it’s the economy, or the simple fact its so damn big it can’t help but look empty.

In the first sports store I saw was dedicated to all college stuff except for the display of a Sox jersey, Brady, and Favre replicas, see Carolina Panthers, that's what you call a nation.
Then I saw that apparently colleges down here print up tee-shirts dedicated to each and every game of the year. I found this to be absolutely hilarious, imagine if we did that for baseball or even NFL football? How many different catchy nicknames could enterprising entrepreneurs come up with for the Sox/Yanks rivalry? Would they get to 19?
But if you feel the need to commemorate that Labor Day weekend drubbing of Appalachian St. For just $12 you'll never forget it.

As I've gotten older I've struggled with the idea that the players I'm rooting for are my age and younger, I think its still ok to wear jerseys of your favorite player, provided they are in fact older than you, thus you'll never see me in a Papelbon or Ellsbury jersey.
Down here the obsession with college football throws a huge wrench into that, but I still firmly believe wearing a college players jersey anytime after you turn 18 makes you a huge dork...I'm looking across the bar at a guy in the Tim Tebow jersey trying to get it with a blonde way out of his league as proof of this theory.
Doesn't it basically say I'm unhappy with my life and aspire to be a 20 year old college quarterback?
I guess if you’re in your fifties and aspire to be young again, then I can understand. But if you’re 26 and rocking that jersey, then maybe just maybe you should give ITT Tech a call, or some other online university, at the very least get that GED, there’s still time to make something of yourself.

Now that I’ve got internet, and hopefully cable by tomorrow I’ll be able to comment more on sports again in addition to the occasional witty retort to life in the south.

Tossing batting practice while training to figure out the proper response to the cable guy telling me he can't make it this morning because he is snowed in...

Yeah there is barely an inch of snow on the ground, there may have been more this morning but I suspect it will always melt before the end of the day.

Well its championship Sunday and riding the heels of my perfect 4-0 weekend last weekend, I"m going to throw out this weekends version.
Since I've been without television or regular internet all week these will be without prejudice (or any form of actual game information)

ARIZONA 27 - Philly 20
I think McNabb is due for a stinker, he has managed to successfully sucker in all of the Philadelphia region and is due to absolutely destroy their souls, or at the very least render them to watching the Phillies WS dvd in and endless loop until pitchers and catchers report.
In a world where the Tampa Bay Rays can make the World Series, why can't the Cardinals make the Super Bowl?
If they get their run game on track early the Eagles won't be able to blitz without risking Larry Fitzgerald repeating last weeks perfromance.

BALTIMORE 11- PITTSBURGH 8
Nobody believes in Joe Flacco, and I don't either, I believe in three Stover field goals, a safety, two or three killer Roethlisberger interceptions and a Willie Parker fumble. All of this will happen early in the game so Steeler fans get nervous and have that "this isn't happening again" vibe they get from having lost four AFC title games at home in the last 15 years.

A Cardinals/Ravens Super Bowl the least watched or anticipated game in Super Bowl history, Next on NBC

Tossing batting practice…while trying to understand how people can complain it's cold and then go out and have baseball practice; in shorts.
 
Congratulations to Jim Rice for the long overdue induction into the Hall of Fame. Rice was known as a bit of an ogre to the media and fans but I have nothing but fond memories of him taking the time to be young to a young child (me) many years ago.
I understand people have issues with his induction, and while some people say there isn't a definitive argument in favor of him getting in, I have yet to hear of a good one for keeping him out.
The fact his on base percentage wasn't  high enough? Well, if OBP were the be all end all stat guys like Scott Hatteberg would be raking in the big bucks.
Look getting on base is important, but so is extra base hits, and driving in runs. That's what Rice was paid to do, it didn't always work out for him, but the game was different in his era.
And for the record, of the top 10 in walks in the 70s only three are in the HOF. Of the top 21 in on base percentage only 6 are in the HOF.
In the 80s the number is a little greater but still not much better. I don't expect the Hall to be opening it's doors to the likes of Ken Singleton, Sal Bando or Gene Tenace anytime soon.
The home road splits are a tough argument to me if people are going to apply modern logic of Sabermetrics then what about the fact that ballparks are so much smaller today? That might have changed the way Rice approached a certain at-bat, numbers can't quantify everything a hall of famer is, like Justice Potter once said, "I know it when I see it" and I will trust the players of that era, who definitively say he was as dangerous a hitter as there was in that era.
 
I hope everyone enjoyed their Boston Sports Christmas, also known as NY elimination day.
I know I couldn't wait to open my presents that were the NY Daily news and Post.
It's been an unprecedented third elimination day party in four months. Though in fairness the Yankees were like a daily execution for a month before they were officially eliminated.
So much for that immortality for Eli, and Teflon Tom Coughlin, hehehehe.
 
I'd say we're going to miss Josh McDaniels but since Bill hardly let's his assistants talk I don't really know much about him, then again he called a crap game in the Super Bowl so I say good riddens, I hope his Bronco teams struggle with pass protection in big games too.
The loss of Brad Seely might hurt on special teams, but as long as Dante Scarnechia is around, (which he probably will be until about two weeks after his death) I think the special teams will remain solid especially since Belichick keeps his hand involved in that phase.
 
I was watching the Wake Forest/UNC game Sunday night and while my first reaction was holy crap Wake is 4th in the country! But upon further review I see why, this Point guard they have in Jeff Teague was very impressive, good enough that despite never having heard of him before tonight, I had to check out if he's an NBA prospect, and he is in fact a lottery pick in 2010 mock draft, which I think is a mockery in and of itself.
 
The Tar Heels still suck defensively yet they're adjusted defensive ranking is 15th even more shocking is Duke is number one in that category.
I think both numbers are a reflection of who they played in nonconference play. I was surprised to see NC is among the national leaders in steals per game, but I'm not sure if that's a product of the tempo they play or the competition or both. When the final numbers come out just after the brackets do, I'll have a better idea  and will make my picks accordingly.

  Is Jake Delhomme the worst quarterback to almost win a super bowl?
Trent Dilfer, mark Rypien and Jeff Hostetler are considered be the three worst to ever actually win one, but Doug Williams has the lowest career QB rating of a champion.
In Super Bowls decided by seven points or less, Delhomme is clearly the leader in the clubhouse for worst to almost win one, but his career numbers would be better than Dilfer Rypien and Williams.
 
 
Whenever the NFL honors the punt pass and kick winners, those kids never ever look like they even play football, at best they look like future Salary Capologists. I mean even Scott Pioli played college football.
I guess if they're going to dedicate their lives to kicking then they might have a future.
Which reminds me, if somehow someway I ever manage to procreate which god willing (see I'm already getting religious down here) won't be for a long time, I will absolutely be steering my child towards throwing lefthanded and punting/placekicking.
Backup quarterback and Bullpen catcher are two of the best jobs in America, but there is a small timeframe in which you can do either of those. Kickers and situational left handed relievers can play into their forties, and 25 years at the league minimum can add up nicely.
It doesn't require much athleticism, see Mitch Berger, Morten Anderson or Jesse Orosco, which is a good thing since athleticism is not a trait possessed in my genetics.
If my child becomes one of those professions I would consider myself a successful parent, even if I have to be Earl Woods and tie his right hand back behind him, or make him kick balls off a tee until his foot bleeds.

Just to remind everyone, I was 4-0 in the wackiest divisional round in history, too bad I don't actually gamble, I'll be back to continue my best Carnak impression later this week.
 

Tossing Batting Practice….because I only have about three weeks until Spring football starts to dominate Southern life again down here…

So mercifully the College football season is over, and while I have despised Florida for so many years, I have to say I like Urban Meyer. Any friend of Belichick’s is a friend of mine.
Now somehow we have to find a way to get Major White into a Patriots uniform next season, that man hits like a young Lawyer Milloy.
Give props to Oklahoma’s defense for staying in it, but their offense just couldn’t come through when it mattered most. I thought they were a little too run heavy in short yardage situations.

I hope the crazies in Oklahoma who disparage Bob Stoops for not winning BCS games don’t come out in full force.
I think the argument is a little unjust, twice he's played teams with nothing to lose that wanted to prove themselves and their conference, while for Oklahoma any bowl that’s not the BCS title game is a disappointment. One of those games they lost on a freak play.
The other bowl loss was to maybe the greatest team of all time, or at least one that’s in the discussion, so I'm giving him a pass and think he's one of the three best coaches in the country.

I’m sorry I said it before but I’ll say it again, Florida lost a home game in the regular season, that should have precluded them from consideration for this game.
Maybe Texas should have been here, possibly Utah. But the closest argument is USC, and they lost a road game, in a traditionally hostile environment to an Oregon St. team that finished tied for first with them in the Pac-10.
I will not understand the fascination with College Football down here until a National Champion can be crowned legit.

Florida is just the winner of the BCS Bowl. That is all.

The goal in the NFL is to win your last game…well in College the Gators are one of 34 teams who was able to lay that claim.

I loathe Ohio State but Terelle Pryor is fun to watch, and his career spectrum can run the gamut from future disgraced quarterback serving time in Federal Prison, to former National Champion with an awkward throwing motion losing his starting spot to a Kerry Collins equivalent in 6 years, for fun let's say its Matt Cassel, who proves he's not as good without the best receivers and coaches in the game, while ruining another team's salary cap down the road.
(If Cassel stays with us, then let's name that quarterback, I’m guessing it’s from a pupu platter of either Kyle Orton, Kellen Clemens, Matt Leinart, Brady Quinn, or by that point Scott Mitchell, or Erik Kramer might have a kid quarterbacking the Lions)

BC's loss to Harvard (thank god for spell check because I actually spelled Harvard without the R originally) the other night was God's way of reminding the folks at the Heights just who they are.
Sure BC is a destination school if you're a marginal coach who can put your team in the national spotlight on occasion and otherwise stay afloat with trips to the NCAAs and one or two big wins a season.
It is not a destination school if you're a big time head coach in the making, or already are one. Open your eyes BC, as the Tuna says, "you are what your record says you are"
And your record over the last 50 years says you're a steppingstone school....

(all of the above does not apply to hockey)

It’s nice of the Celtics to take on so many qualities of the old 80s C’s but the sleepwalking through the middle of the winter isn’t really a quality the newest incarnation should copy of the boss’ former teammates. Somehow I don’t think this was ever part of Danny’s “Vision”
The good news is they did this last year, and it’s the right time to expose some flaws that can be fixed before the trade deadline.

Hopefully my shady movers will finally show up this weekend, so I can actually unpack and get out of the Bates Motel, thus leaving me less time to blog. So here’s my NFL picks.

Baltimore 4 – Tennessee 2 Both offenses suck, and I see this going to extra innings, with the Ravens pushing two across with the help of the international tie breaker in the 10th

Arizona 31- Carolina 27 – No real rationalization behind this pick other than I liked the way the Cards handled the run last week against Atlanta if they do that again they’re moving on, besides they cant be any worse this time around on the East Coast (47-7)

Philadelphia 16 –NY Expletives 13 --- As long as a Manning isn’t in the Super Bowl then I’ll be happy and can celebrate Martin Luther King Day properly. Though I’m afraid America can’t handle a world where Philadelphia is the standard for professional sports.
Then again this decade has brought six titles to Boston, and America is plunged into the worst economic depression in 70 years, take that for what its worth I guess.

Pittsburgh 18 Chargers 10 ---Now the Steelers defense gets awarded the Touchdown that cost me six fantasy points earlier this season.
In all seriousness though for the second straight week the Chargers are involved in proverbial “game I hope nobody can win” because I detest both teams, so logic says Pittsburgh at home, but if Roethlisberger (unlike most unintelligent Pitt fans who call him Ben because they either think they know him, or can’t pronounce or spell his last name I will use proper AP style) has his brain still scrambled its anyone’s bet how this goes.

Tossing batting practice while contemplating a career in Nascar after getting to New Jersey in three hours from the Bing last week...

Greetings from Georgia, where it's rained for five days straight and hasn't dipped below 50 degrees/ As long as its not snow, I'll build a freaking Ark if need be. I made it down here relatively safely with the help of Grandpa, we only had a half dozen near death experiences, but was an interesting ride nonetheless. Here are the intial thoughts of life on the way to, and in the south.

All minivans should be banned from the fast lane, punishable by imprisonment and public flogging. We need a crime that can bring back public flogging as a punishment, and I think this could be it.

Anyone who tries to clean their windshield on the highway deserves a lesson in physics and then the death penalty.
All people from Connecticut are idiots, a-holes or both (I’m looking at you JT).
Some guy decided that despite it being 4 degrees, and him not possessing washer fluid it would be a good idea to drive 70 mph while leaning out his window to pour water in the windshield. Of course most of it wound up on my windshield, immediately froze and I almost hit a guardrail because I couldn't see.
I hope he drives off the Housatonic River bridge

NBCs David Gregory apparently trolls Maryland rest areas wearing a blue Dodgers jacket with his last name written on the back of the jacket, presumably for when people like me see him and can't remember why he seems familiar, or because he has a huge ego, but probably a combination of both.

One thing we're missing out on in the Northeast is more black sports radio hosts.
(A side note Microsoft suggests I say blacker sports radio hosts, instead of more black, a Microsoft employee hasn’t been this wrong since Bill gates fired his stock managers)

Anyways, Michael Holley is tremendous but his best usually doesn't come out unless he's got Vince Wilfork or Richard Seymour on, and his pop culture references and slang aren’t going over the head of a middle aged white man with teenage children.
Down here so far I've heard at least four lengthy soliloquies that sound like the Miller High life guy, and boy do these guys like to call people out in a more colorful and humorous fashion than anyone on Weei.
PS: I hope that after a long fruitful career with 5 more Super Bowl titles Wilfork, Seymour and Ty Warren are plying their radio trade like Brentson Buckner does down in Charlotte, he's basically black Fred Smerlas only smarter and infinitely more hilarious.
Or maybe he’s everything Smerlas isn’t but you get the idea.

In Charlotte I have heard the term "Panther Nation" thrown about repeatedly. I mean really? They are a nation? Show me a Panther fan with a mailing address outside the Carolinas and then we can revisit the concept.

Say what you want southerners about Massachusetts being a liberal and immoral state that allows gays to marry, while you folks are so religious and pious, but you won't find any highway billboards advertising sex shops and strip clubs where we live.
(the Heathens in Connecticut might though)

It didn't actually hit me that I lived in the south until I stopped at the burger king over the Georgia border. It was just different all the way around and very uncomfortable.
The only difference between me and Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) walking into the redneck bar in 48 hrs was my skin color.

Apparently the UGA football team went through 5 offensive tackles this year, if they grow their young boys like they did the two female burger king attendants, I think the Dawgs could safely go through 5,000 tackles without much drop off.
Those two were clearly vying for the title of ugliest woman in the county, with the consumption of each burger.
They’ve probably been married twice, and have seven kids between them.

So I've decided that anytime anyone asks me to say "park the car" I'm simply going to reply with, "ok but only if you say 'life is like a box of chocolates'..."

Back later this week with more Dueling Banjos, and football nonsense.

Tossing Batting Practice.....while wondering if Stephen Gostowski had to yell FORE! after each of his kicks on Sunday.

Reason number 4,301 why Jets fans bring absolutely nothing to society, Fans showing up to the game with their Pennington jerseys on so they could cheer either way.
Seriously, name me a Jets fan who is famous, or a contributing member to society? They're entire fan base can be summed up by Kevin James, who looks creepily enough like Mangini that I could almost wonder if he was prepping for a role and actually replaced Mangini three weeks ago.

There is some justice in the world, that Man-rat was fired, but it doesnt take all the luster off. Brett Favre should immediately be removed from first ballot hall of fame consideration for that INT he threw to the DLineman. Thanksfully the the NY media won't let him off the hook, but it was putrid to see Peter King blame the injuries for him.

Seriously who hires Man-Fredo now? He can't get hired as a head coach again right away, because he clearly still has some learning to do. But what head coach in their right mind hires this guy to be on his staff? Not only will he take all the team secrets with him, he clearly has no problem burning bridges for those who have helped him.
Those are definitely qualities I look to avoid in an assistant coach. College may be his only option right now.
Someone in the League will likely hire him, and I look forward to him screwing whoever eventually does. A rat is a rat, that's just who they are, maybe he can sign Kazcur with him.

I wish a I knew a Cowboys fan this week, but then the other 51 weeks every year I'd probably regret being friends with one. So I guess I'll just let it go.

Hey Joe Flacco, if a nice Maryland girl inivites you back to her place under the guise of making you crabs for dinner, stop, turn around and go home. Or wait, actually proceed without any caution whatsoever. It'll be ok.

Long live the prohopet Conan O'Brien, who stated this summer "the Jets acquired Brett Favre this week. He was willing to come to NY because he wanted to see what this whole losing thing is all about."

17weeks ago I stated football was dead to me, so for that I'd at least like to thank Matt Cassel and the rest of the team for making things intersting for the fall and giving me a reason to destroy my liver, spend lots of money and enjoy the hell out of every Sunday this year.

Except for you Kazcur you should be sentenced to an eternal existence of eating cheese, running mazes, and getting stomped on by defensive lineman.

Football is dead to me now, but may be the BCS has it all right at least in that scenario the Pats are in the playoffs.

Now I guess I'll focus on basketball, but with the move to Deliverance I'm stuck with only relying on ESPNs coverage of the Celtics. I already know I miss the Celtics comcast commercial with the KG dunk, and the anythings possible scream.

But its 61 degrees in Gainesville, Georgia today, so I guess I can make a sacrfice or two.

Tomorrow will be the start of my drive down to a whole new life, so if anything of interest pops up along the way I'll be sure to document, and mock it.

I'm taking another shot at this for a bit. With my new mobile phone I can post from anywhere, and I think the prospect of me assimilating into southern life has great comedic potential. I will also attempt to porovide a view from the "outside", of the region since its warm enough to be outside before april here.

In honor of the tiny keys these will now likely be a series of tinier posts than previous forays into internet blogging however they'll be more frequent as I can simply type ideas as they come.

Punctuation and spelling will likely be at an all time low.

Tossing batting practice like a lefthanded cancer survivor….(the bitter version)

Well since I grossly misjudged the ’07 Sox after falling behind in the LCS, I figure I’ll try it again and hope for the best, after all the LCS really doesn’t start until the Sox are facing elimination

Its almost like Comcast sports expected the worst, because Drive for 17 has tempered my bitterness just slightly, or gave me more bloodthirst for a title…one or the other.

I knew Lester was in trouble in the first, mainly because the Raqys cheerleaders (a first in baseball btw) were touting the fact Lester throws a lot of strikes, and yet he got out of the inning in five pitches.
That told me the Rays would go up there hacking, at fastballs early in the count, and two innings later the Sox were down 5-0.
The lone solace I take is that I hope someone smarter than me took notice of this, and we’ll see more early count breaking balls if we’re somehow lucky enough to get this to a game 6 or 7.

Its time for a reverse ’07 here, and pull Jacoby for Crisp. It’s like watching spring training in Major League with him now, except he hasn’t dropped to give Tito 20 pushups after he pops up. I will just refer to him as Willie Mays Hayes from here on out.

The game tonight turned when Maddon basically dared Francona to pull Ellsbury and hit Coco, a switch hitter against a lefty. Unless Ellsbury has astronomical numbers against Howell, that include a crooked number before the decimal point he should not have been hitting in that situation.

Things I think I liked about tonight’s game

That Varitek knew where third base was on Cora’s Single, after all its been a while since he’s been on base running all over the place.

Things I know I disliked

I know we all love Pedey for his big swing, and clutch play, but come on, see an f’in strike before swinging at that soft pus Howell throws at you in the first AB.

Seriously, someone in the Sox clubhouse needs to tell Papi he’s due for a B-12 shot, and inject him with one of those Miguel Tejada shots. Or possibly petition major league baseball witht eh idea that for the best interests of baseball Ortiz needs to be allowed to bat from second base so he can hit home runs again.
After all chicks dig the long ball. (of course his wife is a hideous Wisconsin cheesehead, so I guess this metamorphosis into, “not good enough to avoid being cut by the Twins” Ortiz might explain how he wound up with her in the first place)

I was disappointed Youk didn’t get more distance on the bat toss when his K ended an inning. You’re already ruing a generation of N.E. little leaguers with your childish acts, so you might as well go full out in terms of petulance.

I really cant believe that Lester or someone else who throws hard hasn’t buried a fastball into someone’s back for the Rays. Longoria and Upton look a little too comfortable up there, and sadly that message can’t be conveyed tomorrow with the Special Olympic Hurdler taking the mound for the Sox. (if Roger’s the Rocket, then that’s what Wake is)
Hitting is about timing, and pitching is about disrupting timing, if off speed pitches aren’t disrupting the timing enough, then leaving stitchmarks and a tattoo of the word Rawlings on someone’s ribs can do the job just as effectively.

I am officially the last convert of the Nation to the Anti-Varitek side. That passed ball was gross, and whether he got crossed up or not, that was Gedman-esque. He can’t hit at all, and honestly if I see one more shot of him looking into the dugout, calling a pitch; and then TBS telling the world that he calls a phenomenal game I will snap.
I haven’t seen such gross misrepresentation since this (hint scroll down to 75)
For those who don’t bother to scroll through, its merely the d-bag of an assistant coach I had, who is taking credit once again for being the head coach last season.

And, one bonus Patriot complaint, if nothing else, it was a successful trip to SD if Kazcur tore his Achilles.
Though it was tough to see Cassel getting pounded, and not be able to blame that rat **** for the missed block.

Tossing batting practice….while being thankful that Usain Bolt now takes me off the hook as the world’s fastest man...though an ex gf or two of mine might disagree…

I know its been a while since the last post, but a combination of factors precluded another one.
First, I was busier this week than I was the previous week. Second, track was the dominant sport of week two, and its just a lot harder to follow. None of the events were live, and it was difficult to avoid finding out the result. Also, unlike swimming where the likes of Michael Phelps and crew swim multiple events, only precious few like Bolt actually run multiple events.
There are so many track athletes, so many events they literally come in and out of our lives in the blink of an eye.


Whoever was Tom Hammond’s analyst needs to stop talking about the track athletes as if they’re horses in time for London

The steeplechase is an interesting concept, but really I just want someone to fall, or for their to be a carnivorous animal in the water.


Until today Kenya had never won an Olympic gold medal in the Marathon, that’s ridiculous.

I am going to miss table tennis, tonight we even got a couple long range Forest Gump style rallies.

Carlos Boozer is a two-time Olympian? Really?

I refrained from speaking of this earlier, but its been a nice harkening back to the old days for NBC with the Roundball Rock theme being played coming in and out of commercials.

Trivia Time, who actually wrote that song?

As an American every non-Celtics fan should thank Paul Pierce for motivating Lebron in these Olympics.
Wow, Gasol with a quick three point play, even taking some contact, I don’t even have a joke there, I’m just that surprised.

“They don’t know it’s a damn show, they think it’s a damn fight!”
And the US is a bit sluggish to start, as they now face their largest deficit of the tournament, which lasted as long as it took you to read that before Chris Paul beat the defense down the floor for a layup.

Memo to the Nuggets, if you want Carmelo to reach his potential, somehow find a way to lure Jim Boeheim to Denver.

And in the blink of an eye the US has gone on a big run to take a 13 point lead

Spain has made a terrific game of this, but with a tenuous five point lead Kobe comes up with a huge three and a foul, for an 8 point lead.
Somewhere Laker fans are wondering where that was two months ago.

Spain comes right back and cuts it to four again, but Wade drills an open three, to go back up seven. He’s been absolutely huge tonight with 27 points in very limited minutes.

And Kobe with what looks like the clincher, a runner in the lane, followed by a great defensive stand.

While I rooted for Spain to keep it a game at least, in the end it was great for a US victory and return basketball to its rightful place.
They played as a team and actually defended when they needed to which was a nice diversion from previous Dream Teams.

I miss the Olympics already, and look forward to 2012 for more badminton, team handball and 1meter kayaking on a daily basis.

Trivia Answer – John Tesh

Tossing batting practice…while reevaluating my life at the moment as I flip back and forth between badminton and trampoline action on a Saturday afternoon.

I have found my mission in life….judge of Olympic Racewalking, the opportunity to dole out yellow cards like a European soccer official drunk with power, all while uttering the phrase, “whoa slow down buddy!” seems too good to pass up.

ESPN college football analyst Lee Corso missed his calling, he should be pointing a no. 2 pencil into the chests of these racewalkers who are pushing the limits, with a stern, “not so fast my friend!!!!”


I kid you not, the American representatives in the pairs rowing, are Eric and Tyler Winklevoss of Greenwich, Conn. Apparently James Bottomtooth was unavailable to compete.

I still don’t really understand individual pursuit, but what really floors me is that an arena was actually built for that event.

Not only is trampoline an actual Olympic event, there is a full house of fans watching it. They say the Chinese identify athletes early in childhood for rigorous training, well how do they identify who’s going to excel in trampoline?

At least these athletes will have a long career as circus acrobats when they hang it up on international competition. What’s Michael Phelps going to do?

If Badminton athletes can play with a roaring crowd in the background, why can’t tennis players do the same? It might make the sport more interesting.

Our intrepid announcer just called the Indonesians superheroes, deflecting bullets, then asked rhetorically, “where’s the cape?”
I’ve got nothing else to add, I think that speaks for itself.

I understand I have some life evaluations to make, but the thousands of people who bought tickets to the Marathon event, where you simply see the runners enter the stadium, and run around once, all while waiting upwards of two hours, at 9am on Sunday morning., they have some real evaluating to do.

So the Women’s Marathon started at 7:30 a.m. local time, that sucks. You wait your whole life to compete in the Olympics and you’re starting at the crack of dawn.

Brief respite from Marathon watching, because without Bob Lobel and Heartbreak Hill its just not as much fun.
The Little League World Series is on, and this kid from Louisiana has struck out 15 of 16 possible outs while hitting 77 on the gun consistently, and no his last name isn’t Almonte.
Apparently Louisiana is representing the southwest, did that state up and move recently? Because I’ll be honest, I don’t really think of the Cajun country when the Southwest comes to mind.

If I were as far ahead of the pack as this woman is in the Marathon, I’d be running backwards taunting my opponents.

I’m always amused by the concept of the Marathon, the first person to ever do it, actually collapsed and died, and yet we now consider this some sort of athletic achievement, and encourage people to do it.


I shouldn’t care this much, because it is swimming, but this is riveting, what an amazing performance by Phelps to give the relay team a comfortable lead.
To be perfect all eight times, and to swim 17 times in eight days, well I tip my cap to him.
This is why you watch the Olympics, for performances like this. Athletes come and go in these games, but performances like this will stand the test of time.

I shudder to think what the producers of the Michael Phelps DVD would have done with all that wasted footage had he only won five gold medals.

The best part about this is somewhere the next Phelps will come along and aim for nine gold medals, and I look forward to watching that in 2044.

Tossing batting practice while wondering if Michael Phelps’ crazy, drill sergeant coach will be the swimming version of a rambling insane Bela Karoli in the 2024 Olympics…..

So I’ve watched two innings of this Cuba/US baseball game and the announcer keeps bringing up the new tiebreaker rule.
Each time he has done it, the jinx is on as in the 8th a Cuban homered, and in the 10th they got a leadoff triple.
However, the US reliever did a good job to work out of that leadoff triple and leave him stranded.

Bela Karoli is nuts…..like John Madden mixed with Gus Johnson, on acid, all coupled with a Boris Badenoff accent.

I watched a little replay of the gymnastics, and I have to say it was impressive and both handled themselves well. But I felt dirty watching the entire thing.
I felt a great tinge of sadness when I discovered courtesy of myspace, that my 1996 Olympic crush Dominique Moceanu is married with a child today at the tender age of 26. Gymnastics peaked for me as a 14 year old boy, and thus I’ve never been able to look at the sport the same way again.

The first day of track and field started today and thank god, because the swimming has gotten a little (ok a lot) boring.
There is only so much you can write about Michael Phelps.
The first race I came across today was the men’s 1500 meter, and when I heard the voice of Tom Hammond, I did a double take because I thought it was a horse race, but in fact it was just a goofy foreign name, and not some crazy horse name.

Men’s beach volleyball; not as enticing as women’s beach volleyball.

Phil Dalhausser seems like the story of one of those amazingly tall and gangly children, who tries every sport because people assume he’ll be good at it, only to discover they are destined to play in the band.
But somewhere along the line he was convinced to try volleyball and he managed to avoid the destiny of nerdness for life.

Thanks to NBC for switching away from the volleyball game when it was 9-9 in the third and decisive set, for a non-Michael Phelps swim final. Screw you.
Even better they came back with the US up 14-13, only to go away again as soon as the match ended.

Wow that was amazing, Phelps wins by one one hundredths of a second, I think is mother just had a stroke. (pun intended)
Seven gold medals is pretty damn amazing, but to get the seventh in that fashion coming from behind and getting it at the last second, I think tops the relay comeback from Sunday night.

I think we’re all at a loss of words, even Phelps was so I am willing to give Rowdy Gaines the benefit of the doubt, but still let’s try not to refer to another man on national television as “magical” ever again.

So the US baseball team is facing off against it’s longtime border war baseball rival Canada, and a couple of former Red Sox are gracing the Canadian roster.
The original “everday day Eddie” Rheal Cormier is the closer/situational lefty for the Habs, and Rule V pickup Adam-Stern is also in the lineup.
Much like “East Boston’s Jermaine Wiggins, and Hyde Park’s Manny Delcarmen, Stern officially changed his name to Rule V Pickup sometime around 2005.

A sign that hip hop culture has reached all facets of life…..Shalane Flanagan, became the first American woman to medal in her distance running event (its 2am I don’t remember what it was) in a lot a of years, (again the 2am on Friday night thing) so what does she do in her interview, but gives a shout out to Marblehead Mass, her hometown.
So despite being very white, blonde and irish, the rest of America probably thinks Marblehead is some kind of hood, when in fact it is the polar opposite.

Then again its 1:57am on Friday, so I might be the only person without a Marblehead mailing address still watching.

Seriously, has Bob Costas slept at all this week?? I hope he has stock in Visine, because his eyes looked so bulged and white, I thought it was his turn to drive to Jack in the Box with Cheech and Chong.

Ok, I now know its time to call it quits, I just saw a slow motion replay of Race Walkers, (yes race walkers) pouring water all over themselves).

That is all……


Though I’ll probably watch a little more and have better jokes for race walking tomorrow.

Tossing batting practice….While wondering if the inventors of field hockey got together and voted lefties to be considered three-fifths of a righty thus justifying their segregation from the sport.

I wonder if I could have been the Jackie Robinson of field hockey and broken the dexterity-barrier had I simply gotten the ACLU behind me and sued the pants off the US Field Hockey Federation as a child.

Today was kind of a light day, with baseball dominating the afternoon coverage, and really crappy Men’s gymnastics leading most of the night,

With a name like Rowdy Gaines, shouldn’t he be analyzing a cooler sport than Swimming?

Late last night that Crepes loving choker from the 200 relay grabbed the world record in the 100 freestyle prelims, but in what probably is a microcosm of his Olympics, he held it for a grand total of 47.05 seconds, as it was grabbed back by the Australian whom he stole it from moments ago.
He talked the talk earlier this week, but he appears to be walking the walk in cement shoes at the bottom of the pool.
He then subsequently won the gold later on the day….bastard.

It’s nice to see that being traded for CC Sabathia has truly elevated Matt Laporta’s status in baseball circles. He is considered the marquee attraction for team USA baseball, at least according to the Comcast info button, as he allegedly leads the USA into action today. I think that’s more of a statement of who else is on the team, because six weeks ago only the one Brewer fan/sabermetrican who went to Cleveland for the convention last month, and Laporta’s parents knew who he was.

Hey Exxon, instead of trying to solve malaria in foreign countries, how about lowering gas prices and sending some of those record profits back our way. This is the kind of commentary you the reader get when every possible Olympic channel is on commercial at the exact same time.

Olympic baseball can also be chalked up as a sport that’s simply not that interesting on an international stage.

12:42 a.m. Men;s gymnastics or Women’s Badminton? you make the call!

The much anticipated softball showdown between the US and Canada is in a rain delay, and I am treated to more badminton. For the first time in my life I have seen a German of asian descent, taking on some superstar Chinese opponent.

The competition to make the Chinese Badminton team is so fierce, the 2007 World Champion was not selected by the Chinese head coach for the Beijing Olympics.
It’s too bad Coach K didn’t have those kind of gorilla balls when it came down to selecting Kobe and Lebron.

The Chinese have placed such a huge emphasis on winning the Gold Medal count in these Olympics, I can’t help but wonder if a Latvian Table Tennis player, or German Badminton player of Chinese descent wins a gold for their country, will it count for the Communists.

Ha!!! Take that field hockey. Softball may be getting bounced from the 2012 Olympics (take a drink) but it just returned the favor to the entire town of Walpole, watching native daughter Kate McDavitt, and the dozen or so other field hockey fans who anxiously awaited the US showdown with Germany.
Instead the US/Canada game is back from the hour and 15 minute rain delay.

It's nearly 3am, and I now know it's officially time to call it a night because I found myself actually talking myself into the potential of Monica Abbott as attractive.
That was the mythical bartender here at TBP turning the lights on and telling me to go home.

With a 2:15 am start, this could seriously jeopardize my intentions to get up at 8am to watch the US/Greece hoops game in a few hours.

Tossing batting practice….because Charlie Zink was too tired and battered to write this column for me.

I decided to skip some writing tonight because with women’s gymnastics dominating the coverage, I was afraid too much writing about these Chinese gymnasts would force me to register somewhere for something.

Ok, one comment, when the girls look like they couldn’t pass a field sobriety test on the balance beam, they probably can’t expect gold.

I want to personally apologize to Cat Osterman for accidentally confusing her for Monica Abbott to start tonight’s softball showdown between Australia and the US, a rematch of the 2004 gold medal game.

Tanya Harding, no not that one, is in the circle (remember there is no hill) for Australia, and she looks to have aged about as well as the Tonya Harding the rest of America is familiar with, i.e. not well.

She claims to be 36, but either the sun hasn’t been good to her down under, or she’s was born at the same hospital that verified Miguel Tejada’s birth certificate.

I’m willing to admit it, you know you’re a softball nerd when you’re curious about which bat, every player is swinging.

Do you think the Red Sox could add Stacey Nuveman to the 40 man roster come sept. 1st? she calls a great game too, and probably couldn't hit any worse. And her thighs are in fact bigger, and more muscular than the captain's.

For those of you not familiar with softball, not being able to crack triple digits in kilometers an hour, is slightly better than Wakefieldian…perhaps it could be referred to as Foulke-esque.
And despite that seeming limitation Osterman tossed the second straight no-hitter in these Olympics against one of the better offenses in the tournament.
I won’t bore you any further tonight with softball in what was a mostly ho-hum game.

On to indoor volleyball, where the Venezuelan women appear to be wearing speedo bottoms for uniforms; more analysis coming shortly.

Why don’t you see more fingers broken in volleyball games, these folks just hammer the ball.

In no way shape or form do the colors yellow, or teal appear in the Australian flag, nor do I think of those colors when I think down under, yet their Olympic committee insists every four years upon those colors for uniforms.

Forest Gump where art though?
He is apparently not walking through that door for the US table tennis team. (So I don’t offend the lone table tennis fan, who corrects me in the comments, I wont call it ping pong)

The US women, are currently taking a beating from the representatives from the Singapore. I think it would have been less painful to our civic pride if it had involved a cane and the Singapore government.

Were it not for the announcers telling us which team was which, I would not have been able to discern the Americans from the Singaporeans.

Roommate: “Look at them they’re all Asian, isn’t that stereotypical?”
Me: “No, it’s not a stereotype if it’s true”

Somewhere Steve “Snapper” Jones finds it abhorrent that the US is not breeding it’s own table tennis players. No word yet on whether he thinks of our athletes as traitors to their own country, whatever it may be.

Upon further review, Bill Clement is once again leading the commentary. After trap shooting, Sunday and Table Tennis today, I think we can safely assume that NBC does not think very highly of its lead hockey announcer, nor do they place much importance on keeping him happy.



In any event, I am watching more midget boxing involving what I can only assume, because generalizations are fun, to be a smarmy Frenchman, and a boxer from Uzbekistan.
Not since I was eight years old, riveted to CNN have I rooted so fervently for the citizens of Uzbekistan.
France Sucks…

And its off to bed for a bit before returning shortly for what should be an exciting Women's basektball showdown between the US and Mali and just four short hours.